Finding My Way Home (Guest Post)

One of the many wonderful benefits to being a part of the blogging community, is 'meeting' all the fabulous and talented artists out there (writers, crafters, photographers and more!). Even better is when they come and write as a guest on our blog! :D

This week's guest is one of my very, very good friends Darla and also the author of one of my favourite blogs - 'She's a Maineiac' (aka MiracleMama.Wordpress.com).

Darla and I met online almost 9 years ago on a pregnancy due date forum (ePregnancy Sept 2002 DDC for those who are curious!) when we were both pregnant with our first babies.

It's funny how the internet works, that you can have wonderful close friendships with people you have never met in person. Even though we haven't had the chance yet to sit down and chat face to face over coffee, red wine or margaritas (she lives in Maine USA and I live in Alberta Canada, so no matter who goes where, it's a long way for weekly margaritas! :Þ), she is truly one of my very close friends and has been there for me through so much over the last 9 years.

It is my honour to have Darla as our guest writer this week and be able to lay out our welcome mat for her as she visits us over here in our little corner of the web. I love her blog, her posts, her photography and her wonderful insights to life, motherhood and more - and I am sure you will too! You can pop on over and visit her at MiracleMama.Wordpress.com and read her 'Confessions of a Maine Housewife' to see why I am always eagerly awaiting her next post!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding My Way Home

By Darla R.  MiracleMama.Wordpress.com

I am walking down an endlessly dark and empty highway. There is no one else; no cars or people. Everything is dark, dreary and incredibly frightening. I can see in the distance a giant green sign with an arrow pointing to an exit off in the foggy distance. The relentless thudding of my heart pounding fills my ears and a cloud of impending doom weighs heavily on my chest. I have to get to that sign. The sign will tell me where to go. I walk and walk for hundreds of miles. When I finally reach the highway sign, the arrow has morphed into four arrows all pointing in different directions.


Panic seeps into my bones. Which way should I go? Out of sheer fear I start to run down a random exit thinking this must be the way home. Yet, I only find a maze of other highways, all empty and crisscrossing each other. I roam the other roads, hoping to see another sign. I am lonely, desperate and full of fear. I will never get home. I start to cry.


This is a recurring dream I have had since I was a little girl. This nightmare has crept into my mind like a thief, snatched my feelings of security and left me a wide-awake shaken mess over and over again.

For years I would try to analyze it. At first, I came to the obvious conclusion. The highway is my life. I want to find my way in life, but there is no sign telling me what direction I should take. To me, the dream is pure and raw emotion; filled with those soul-crushing fears and insecurities we all share in life.

Recently, I had the dream again. But it had changed. Drastically.

I have always been a very spiritual person. Over the years, I’ve found my peace in nature, meditation and yoga. But with the constant onslaught of marriage, kids, bills, the hectic days seem to blur into years that zip by with lightning speed. There is never enough time anymore for spirituality. I’ve lost that deep peaceful connection with the universe.

I turned 40 last year and with that came the sudden realization that I felt lost in my life. I was filled with anxiety and doubt over what my purpose in life was and wondered if there was time to truly discover it now that I am officially “middle-aged”.

And to my astonishment, I realized I didn’t even know who I was anymore. A wife? A mom? Sure. But, what else? I had to remember that woman again. She was buried in there somewhere. That optimistic, vibrant, happy woman who knew anything was possible.

So I began doing yoga again. I started to sit still and breathe, even if only for a few minutes. I spent much more time outside with my kids, watching them play and smelling the grass and feeling the breeze on my face. I began to just “be” in the moment. I felt a soothing calmness inside of me that hadn’t been there in some time. It felt good. I wanted more of that feeling.

I started to look around and truly see all the blessings that surrounded me. I was healthy, my kids and husband were healthy and full of love. I had so many positive things in my life. My fears and anxieties began to fade. It would be alright. I was going to be just fine.

Last fall, an old high school friend contacted me and we discovered that we both seemed to be walking down the same spiritual path. She suggested I take a Reiki class with her. I knew nothing about it, but was curious, so I attended. During class, we practiced meditation and talked about energy and how our bodies’ systems work and heal. It was amazing to have other people to share our deep personal beliefs and to get that validation that healing mentally, physically and spiritually is possible. I had this overwhelming feeling of security and peace. I felt like I had come home.

Since that first class I’ve practiced Reiki, yoga and meditation more and more. My spiritual side was starting to bloom again. My soul was opening up. I could feel a new sense of ease in my mind and spirit every single day.

I had that same highway dream last month: I walked aimlessly around, desperate, confused and lonely. I still couldn’t find that sign. But then, something changed. A voice told me to look down at my hand. I slowly opened up my clenched hand to see a white envelope. A rush of adrenaline went straight through me. I knew that inside that envelope were the directions I needed to finally get home. There was hope.

I woke up before I could open it.

Maybe my next dream, I will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isn't she a fabulous writer? :D

Again, a HUGE thank you to my very good friend and fellow blogger, Darla for being our guest this week! You can click on over to visit her at MiracleMama.Wordpress.com.

 

Stay tuned tomorrow to find out who the winner is for our giveaway from Rae Of Light Photography! If you haven't had a chance to enter you can simply click here to hop over to last weeks post and find out how, but don't delay becuase the contest closes tonight!

See you all tomorrow!

With love and light ♥,

 

Finding Gratitude in the Face of Adversity...

 

I have a word I have been holding near and dear to my heart this week. Actually I have a few, but the biggest one right now is GRATITUDE.

There is something about what happened in Japan and what continues to happen in the Middle East, that has made me grateful. 

Yes, you read that right. Grateful.

Let me explain...

Am I grateful that the Japanese are going through and facing some of the most unbelievable challenges since World War 2 or that some countries in the Middle East are on the brink of war? Of course not. OMG not at all. Watching those images and the catastrophic pain they are coping with, some on every level a human could experience, was sending me into a fast depression to be honest. My heart was breaking for them and what they are going through and I realized I needed to do what I could to help from my little corner of the world and then stop checking the news 15 times a day. Reading the news continually was not going to help anyone, let alone me.

It's been a really long and sad 4 months for our family. As some of our readers know, my brother took his own life in November and even in hindsight, there were NO signs it was coming. The biggest hint I had was my own intuition, which I ignored because there were no outward rational hints he was showing that indicated he was feeling anything but good. Nothing for me to sit down with him, put on my "woo woo" hat and say "Hey, your life is going great and you seem totally happy but psychically I am thinking you are feeling suicidal?"

Really, who says that? Especially to someone who outwardly seems 100% fine, happy and enjoying life?

Do I regret not talking to him? Of course. Do I think it would have stopped him if I had said that? I have no idea. And that has torn me up to bits since the day he died. When someone you love dies you always go back over their last days, weeks what have you and think, hmmm "What if...? Why didn't I...?" If it is a suicide, of course inevitably you think and ask "Could I have stopped him...?" or the even harder more egotistical questions of "Why weren't we enough for him to want to live?"

These are the things that I have been spinning around in my head since November 14th.

And then the earthquake in Japan hit, which for me, confounded the memories of my brother. Lars lived in Japan for 4 years and came back talking about survivalism and why it is so important. We all nodded, smiled, listened politely and often rolled our eyes at him as he purchased a few bottles of potassium iodide just in case of a nuclear fallout (That really made us go WTF dude? Seriously? And now we can see why) and stored a ridiculous amount of food in the basement. Then on March 11th we "got it". After living in Japan, a country that is largely run on nuclear power and where a natural disaster can hit at any given moment, he learned you need to be prepared for the worst. I wish he was alive to see how much he taught us regarding emergency planning and survival. I realized watching the coverage of the crisis in Japan, that my brother wasn't going crazy storing half of Costco in our basement just for himself. We've realized it was enough for him, my dad, me, Chad and the kids and other people close to him that he cared about, because that is the amazing and loving person he was...

What I was trying to say before I got distracted thinking and remembering my brother (thank you for patiently listening to me btw when I go off on one of those tangents ♥) is that watching the news and thinking about my brother was making me feel so helpless...and sad....and reminded that really, when a crisis is going to happen, it is going to happen and 9 times out of 10 there isn't anything you can do to stop it.

Those realizations sent me into a tail spin. Admitting that you don't have a lot of control in what goes on around you and taking the cap of temporary ignorance off , is scary. Especially if you are a mother.

I did not have control over my brother and the choice he himself decided to make. To die, to end his life, was his choice.

I did not have control over my mother's life and  her life long, often touch and go battle, with severe polycystic kidney disease, nor the fact that she died on September 4th, 2001 and wasn't there to see me get married or have children - something she so desperately wanted to be around for.

Some of the most defining moments of my life (not all of course, but some), I had no control over them happening.

It is scary to think that you have no control, for the most part, over the most important people in your life and what happens to them (other than your young children, but even then you can't control them and if you try, it won't last long) or that you really have no control over what happens in the world and universe at large. Sorry to say, but you don't.

The good news? Because there is good news here! :D

You do however, have control over yourself and the choices you make and that is where change starts.

It starts with you. It starts with being grateful.

This is why to me, it is so important to share my feelings about my brother and some of my other life experiences, because I think so often it is easy to be on the other side of a computer screen and think that another persons life is perfect and that they don't know adversity, or depression, or abuse, or grief, or any other loss, hardship and anything and everything in between, because so often we talk only about what is good and what we like.

I've thought that before, especially reading the happy go lucky posts on message boards where anonymous posters with their mother of the year awards all lined up and they are all perky! and happy! and have perfect children and a perfect house! and seem, well, perfect!!! And that can be intimidating and then it would get me thinking "that is easy for them, their life is perfect" because it sounded like it was, and then I realized that no one is perfect. We are often presented that way online because it is more enjoyable and uplifting to talk about good and happy things. And that is fine too, talking about the good stuff is fun and what we do here more often than not on our blog as well. :o)

But, I want you to know I am real and OMG I am so far from perfect and that just like many of you, I've been through the wringer and have been through things I wouldn't wish on anyone. I could very easily spend the rest of my life feeling pity and thinking 'oh poor me, nothing ever works out for me, my brother committed suicide in November, my mother was sick my entire life growing up and died too young, it seems the whole world is out to get me, why me? blah blah blah'.

Ummm, no thanks. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be happy. How can you make a difference in the world if you are always throwing yourself a perpetual pity part and bitching about everyone and everything allll the time? I don't think you can, not for any length of time anyway...

I could be a victim of my own life (like many people are, which is truly sad) or I can turn it around and take my experiences and somehow, find a way, no matter how small to give back and help others. That is honestly what I feel my purpose in life is, is just to give back and help in any way I can.

I can't control that my brother died and I can't control that my mother died any more than I can control when the sun rises and sets. So why dwell on it? Choosing to be happy does not mean I am not sad they are gone nor does it mean that I don't miss them, or that I'm not still grieving (because I am). Of course I am sad they are gone and it goes without saying I miss them desperately and I still have my moments where I will sit down and sob and let it out and that is okay.

This is not about ignoring your feelings at all. But the difference is, I acknowledge my feelings, see what I can do to change the situation (which is often doing something to change myself - like a taking a break if I am getting cranky and overwhelmed for example, or choosing to go somewhere and cry if I need to) and then make a conscious choice not to dwell on it and instead choose to be thankful for the time I had with my mom and my brother and everything they taught me.

Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Almost everyone has seen or heard that quote and it is one of my favourites.

The change I want to see in this world? That's easy. Gratitude. Love. Kindness. Respect. Charity.

It sounds simple really doesn't it?

But there is a key, or a trick to making it all work. The key to it all, is you need to feel it all in your heart and do it for all the right reasons. Not just for the money, not just for showing off and making yourself look better in front of others, not for the accolades...basically if what you are doing is based solely on the way it feeds your ego, then it's not the right way as far as I am concerned, but that is just my not so humble opinion.

Does that mean that you shouldn't get the accolades, or the paychecks or the rewards or attention you deserve? Of course not. You should! Absolutely!

But if you (and when I say 'you' I mean as in general you, not anyone specifically) are throwing money around for example and simply wanting to look charitable to others so they think 'wow, what a great person' and you are hoping they will gush about you and go on and on and on and that is the driving force (meaning your main intent) behind what you do, well that is nice of you to do those things. But you are doing that to make yourself feel better first and foremost, you aren't doing it with the main intent to help others. The intent here in this case is what it does for you (again, general 'you') and that is feeding your ego.

It needs to feed your soul first. 

A good example is after I post this today, I am going to clean my house. It's cluttered and disorganized and OMG I need to get it all straightened out, otherwise my children are going to go missing in the piles of laundry and dishes somewhere! :Þ

Today, that is going to feed my soul - simply having a clean house and enjoying it more when it is tidy and organized (it's the little things for me! :Þ). I'm not going to go nuts cleaning just so that when my husband comes home from work he'll gush about how great I am and how clean the house is. My intent for a clean house is not ego driven (ie wanting/needing the feedback), my intent is the need for a calm, tidy and organized home (that feeds my soul and a clean house makes everyone in the house happier). Do I appreciate it if I am appreciated? Of course! But that is not what is driving me at all. Same with acts of charity, it's about giving back and helping others, whether anyone else knows that I am doing it or not, is completely irrelevant to me.

See the difference? It's subtle.

When you love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, people feel it - it does affect those around you. When you are grateful for yourself, and your family and everything you have in your life, people feel it. It's contagious in the best way possible, but the same can be said for any negative feelings you have so remember that too. When you are kind to yourself, respect yourself and nurture yourself, again, people feel it. They do, whether they realize it or not, they do. It's all like a ripple affect. Be charitable to yourself, even if that is insisting you need to get groceries by yourself without any little helpers just so you can have some quiet time with your thoughts and to just...be. It is much easier to feel love and gratitude for others when you take time to do the little things that feed your spirit, and that might be as simple as running a few errands by yourself for an hour. They don't have to be huge!

When you are feeling love, and gratitude and then taking some of what you have, what you are feeling, what you have learned, what you have experienced  and go forward turning it into something good and meaningful by giving back and helping others - then you start making a difference. But like Gandhi said, first you have to "be that difference".  Basically, it boils down to energy, intent (see the above examples on what drives you do to what you do) and feelings - and you need to direct them at yourself first. Sounds hokey I know. But I am an 'energy/vibe' type person, I was raised that way and I know first hand that your 'energy' as in your emotions and what you feel, directly affects what happens to you and that around you to a very large extent. I've also learned that it might upset my kids  bit when I leave them home with my hubby so I can go and get groceries for an hour alone, but I will be soooo much better off to nurture them and be a better, more grateful and loving person, if I can get those rare quiet moments to myself.

So how do you turn things around? 

Do what I did and find something to be grateful for. It might be small or baby steps for you, but there has to be something. :o)

I was in a really weird, sad, irritable mood on March 14th. It was the 4 month anniversary of my brother's passing and my kids, gotta love 'em, were driving me crazy. That is the censored version of how they were making me feel actually. :Þ The house was a mess, my kids were cranky, fighting and bugging each other and it was all enough to make me run screaming out of my house begging someone to put me in a straight jacket and take me away. I was on the brink of becoming a shrieking looney tune, that often happens to the best of us in times like that.... :D

I stopped amidst the chaos and I thought of some of the mother's in Japan. Guaranteed there are mothers/parents who lost their children in the tsunami (I didn't read it, nor do I want to to be honest, but due to the magnitude of that disaster, you know tragically, it happened). Or they if they didn't, they lost their house, or a family member for example.

So, (and take this as an example of changing your thinking and thus your 'energy') I looked around my house, which was a total disaster and looked at my kids, who were plotting ways to pounce on each other and I was grateful. I made myself feel totally grateful. It took a few minutes to be honest, but I was not going to give up. I made myself do it, think about it and eventually feel it.

I thought about those around the world who were facing massive disasters and a much bigger magnitude of loss and devastation than I have ever experienced, and I was grateful that  my kids were alive and healthy enough to drive each other crazy. I was grateful that I am raising my daughter in a free country where she can speak her mind, be whatever she wants to be and wear whatever she wants to wear without being persecuted for it. I was grateful that I had a beautiful house to live in and a roof over my head, and things to mess it up. There were kids clothes everywhere, dishes in the sink, toys, you name it...it was on my floor and all over my house. My house that was still standing and would continue to do so. I reminded myself to be thankful that I had food to mess up my dishes, clean water to wash them in, clothes for my kids and toys for them to play with. Then I cleaned it up. And I'm assuming because I was now feeling love and gratitude to the point I almost started singing like my life was a musical, my kids willingly chipped and and helped me out, which is not normal for them - at all without a lot of cajoling on my part. ;o)

I turned it around and I was feeling pretty low and quite down and depressed when I started. That is how you do it. It's really simple and yes, sometimes you need to force yourself, but you can do it. Trust me, if I can do it, you can too. Like anything worthwhile in life, sometimes you have to put some effort into it. :o)

It was my mom who taught me this skill. 3 times a week she would shuffle off to her dialysis sessions, which were also in the same building as the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic here in Calgary. Sometimes those dialysis sessions were brutal and painful and she would crash (ie her blood pressure would plummet) but she would still find a way to be grateful.

She would look at the cancer patients who were undergoing chemo and were weak and losing their hair, or were walking out sobbing and in shock because they were just told they only had weeks left to live, and she would be grateful for herself. My mom was *really* sick almost her entire adult life, but she didn't think that way. She would be grateful that the only problem as she put it, was her kidneys didn't work. And if it was a particularly bad day or dialysis session for her, she would look up at the hospital windows as she left and be grateful that even though she was feeling crappy, she got to go home. No matter how she was feeling or what she was going through, she always found something to be grateful for and meant it. She felt it. Out of everything my mom taught me in my life, that has to be the most profound and helpful lesson I could have ever learned.

That my friends, is how you learn to find gratitude in the face of adversity...

With love and light ♥, 

 

PS The picture at the top is my brother this time last year with my kids when we were out Geocaching. :o) In his is life and even in his death he has taught me so much and helped me to become a better person, and for that I am grateful. Love you dentd_halo ♥

A Perfect Quote to End the Week!

It's been one of those weeks where I had to continually remind myself that my thoughts, my words and my actions create my environment and ultimately affect the energy around me (and others as well) in either a positive or negative way, especially my children.

On Monday we posted some of our favourite blogs and who we thought the Stylish Blogger Award should go to. One of my favourites right now is The Discipline Project. There is a quote from Goethe on her homepage that just sums up my thoughts exactly:

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.

It is my personal approach that creates the climate.

It is my daily mood that makes the weather.

I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.

I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.

In all situations, it is my response that decides…"~ Goethe 

It's something I've printed off and posted on my fridge and it is making such a difference, just being reminded each day that I myself can make it either a good day or a bad day. I thought you all might enjoy it as well. At the very least I'm sure if you repeat it 10 times a day it will help deal with those winter blahs we all seem to be carrying around! ;o)

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

With love and light ♥,

How Unplugging Our Children Brightens Our Life...

The other day I wrote that I have a secret when it comes to helping to be a good facilitator in your child's learning process and creative endeavours.

I know there are people out there who were reading the post with a raised eyebrow and thinking,

"I buy books but my children don't seem interested."

"I buy crafty stuff to fill the craft box and they rarely use it."

"I suggest nature walks and no one wants to go."

"All my kids want to do is watch TV/play video games/sit on the computer..."

So, what do you do when you have a child who doesn't seem to be interested in anything or doesn't seem to want to discover, explore, learn and create?

You unplug them, that is what you do.

What do I mean by "unplug" them, you ask? I mean shut off the TV, the video games, the computer, whatever it is that they are plugged into the most, shut.it.off.

How would I know this? Well because my kids the last few months have been so wired, so "plugged in" and up until I "unplugged" them, they had no interest in anything that wasn't happening on a screen. I'm not kidding. Getting them to read a book was absolutely torturous to them.

Now, before anyone sits out there on their 'cable free soapbox' while they ride their bike to generate electricity to power their internet connection - because I know you are out there!! ;o) you need to know the back story before you judge (and I only say that because, *cough* I used to be one of those annoying people who knew everything there was to know about having children. Then I actually had them. *cough*).

I feel I was totally justified and I feel zero guilt for letting my kids watch as much TV and playing as many games as they wanted. In September and October we were in the process of moving 3 hours away to an entirely different city while my husband started a new job. Just after we moved and were starting to feel settled in, my brother, who was also one of my best friends, died suddently and unexpectedly in November and well, life for us has been a bit of a roller coaster to say the least. I'm not perfect nor do I pretend to be. ;o)

(On a side note, before I go on: If you are at all in one of those places of a huge life change, dealing with an illness, grief, bereavement, pregnant and can barely move etc etc etc don't feel guilty if you are doing what you have to do to get through the day at this time. Skip this post and come back to it when you are ready to emerge back to the world. I will confess that when I was pregnant with Noah and I was so freakin' nauseous and tired that I could honestly tell you what time it was by what show was on Treehouse TV. This time with moving and my brother's death I would rotate between the TV, the Wii and the computer for my kids. It was what we needed to do at the time to get through. So long as it is a temporary situation, everything will be fine I'm sure.♥) 

Okay, back to what I was saying. I have had moments in my life when we've been unplugged and moments, like I mentioned most recently, when we were so plugged into technology our eyes looked like they were going to bug out of our heads.

It's funny though, ironically enough, during our 'plugged in' times I was setting the kids up in front of the TV or whatever because I needed the quiet. They were quiet for the time being, however afterwards, OMG they were c.r.a.z.y!! Have you noticed that even though you put on a movie for the 'quiet time' your child(ren) is/are often crazier than they were before you started the show? Mine definitely were and it really isn't worth the trade off for me.

This is what I have found since we've unplugged our kids:

1. They are calmer. I know, I know there are also some of you sitting out there thinking, "DUH Laila!". :Þ But, even 30 minutes, which can be fine for a lot of kids is too much for mine.

2. They are happier. Way, way happier and more fun to be around. They think they are happier when they can watch their shows, play their games and have their screen time at their leisure, but they aren't. At all. They are anxious, wigged out and so often overstimulated that they don't know what they feel which causes them to argue more and fight with each other and everyone else around them. And again, it doesn't always come from huge amounts of screen time. 30 minutes is often enough to send my 6 year old son to the brink of overstimulated craziness.

3. They reconnect with the world around them when they don't have access to a 'screen' of some sort. They explore, imagine, create and while yes they 'jones out' a bit the first few days without the TV or video games, by day 3 they are completely mellowed, more engaged and come back to their natural child like curiosity. It's wonderful!

4. They read more! A lot more. They will pick up a book and start reading for fun or want me to to read to them. Yay! :D

So if you are out there grumbling to yourself about how your children don't do anything but watch TV or play video games, be the parent. Unplug them.

If you have children with behaviour issues, unplug them. Trust me.

Oh yes, while we are on the word "trust", trust me as well that they will also be a little freaked for the first few days, but they will get used to it. They will, but it might take some time.

However, don't just think you can magically unplug and they will happily run off and read a book. You will most likely have to take the time to sit with them, play with them, read to them. In other words engage them, show them again what is around them that is also interesting, especially if they are coming out of the habit that we have created the last couple of months and that is basically they are forgetting how to easily entertain themselves, because they are used to being entertained by something or someone without putting in any sort of effort on their own.

If they are used to screen time and you are used to them being in front of a screen this change will take a bit of patience on everyone's part. It is so worth it though when you see them run off to create Lego masterpieces on their own in a few days! That however is also a great benefit to becoming generally unplugged, your connection with your child can and will only grow stronger. Just don't give in.  It's so easy to give in when everyone is getting used to the change and just begging for "...one show!" or "...only one game, I promise I'll stop after one game!" Don't do it!

(Hint: To really succeed at this, you need to anticipate those moments and be prepared in advance on how you are going to help them navigate this change, this is vital.)

We are starting on a 21 day challenge in our house for our kids. My husband and I don't watch much TV (other than the hockey games which my husband PVR's). Starting Monday, Janurary 3, we have told the kids there are no videos unless they are directly educational or homeschooling related and limited computer games, again, only for educational purposes (i.e BrainPopJr.com where they are truly having to listen and learn, or if they are researching a project they are working on). Zero Wii or Xbox for 21 days. I don't know who had a harder time wrapping their head around that last one, my husband or my boys. ;o)

So, we haven't totally unplugged I guess, because being homeschoolers we do have a true and educational need for the computer and a video here and there. But I explained to the kids that after 2 months of big and often stressful life changes, we all created a few bad habits in our family and we need to create new ones, and that it takes generally 3 weeks to create new habits that are better for us.

We all need new habits around here and that is how we are starting our New Year. With less electronic stimulation, more family time and more team work/respect around the house. Oh ya that is another perk, I find when my kids are "unplugged" they are WAY more helpful around the house. They clean their rooms up without as much of a grumble (they still do grumble a bit, but it is short lived), they help in the kitchen and they get along and play better with each other. I'm assuming it is because being asked to clean up after themselves is honestly, probably way too overwhelming to their brains when they've been playing video games or watching TV all day.

Their "energy" really does seem to brighten and come more alive when they aren't bogged down with all the electronic stimulation. So I encourage you to give it a try in your house as well. Take baby steps if you have to like we did last year and just go for a week to start. To see the difference I find though, you really do need to go at least 3-4 days. I promise you'll be pleasantly surprised! :D

As a mom of 3 kids ages 3, 6 and 8 I can honestly say life is so much easier without all the gadgets, games and TV.  I'll be sure to post in my "Tree House" how things are going. This week will be an adventure I'm sure! :D

Anyone want to join me on this 21 day challenge? Post your comments below or find us on Facebook and let us know how it is going! :D

Happy New Year Everyone!

With love and light ♥,

Wordy Wednesday on a Thursday...

It's been that kind of week, where I am a day behind everything! How is your week going? How was your Hanukkah/Solstice/Christmas/Kwanzzaa this year?

I've been sitting here in front of my laptop since Tuesday feeling all sorts of pressure to come up with something witty and inspiring for our last Wordy Wednesday of the year. It's Wordy Wednesday and I am at a loss for words.

Ironic really, isn't it?

I can't say that this post will necessarily be inspiring or witty but I'll open up and share with you one of my struggles this past fall if you are willing to listen, and I'll also share with you the one special word I am reminding myself of on daily basis. :o)

One of the things I have grappled with the last few months is our homeschooling journey. Since September our life has been a gong show and 'school' has been put on the back burner. It's not to say that learning isn't happening (because as far as I am concerned humans, especially children, are learning and growing all the time) but for this first year we have aligned with a few subjects so we are responsible to have something to show to our school board by next week. Think workbooks and the like.

We made it through Christmas, the first Chrismtas without my brother and my mom and I feel that I have turned a corner in my grieving process, which is good (that corner sooooo needed to be turned but I also was aware enough that I couldn't force it, I just had to go with it...). We are settled into our new house and I finally am getting a grip on my 'new normal' and coming out of that fog that can have one so entrenched after major life changes such as we have been through.

All of a sudden the fogginess lifted this week from my aura and psyche and I 'woke up' to look around at my life and saw that my house is chaos, my kids are chaos, which means that me and my hubby feel like we are in chaos and I especially feel like I am running to catch a fast moving train so I can get all caught up on everthing in my life, as of like, yesterday. I'm an Aries, when I decide things need to be done, I decide they need to be done, as of like...well... yesterday. :Þ

The one thing I need to get a grip on is how I am helping my children learn. I don't want to use the word 'teach' because I don't want to teach them per se, I want to help them grow and learn. I want to be a facilitator in their learning process. As a mother I am naturally a teacher yes and that comes with the job description of parenthood.

However, I realize that I never 'taught' my children to walk. I walk, my husband walks, all the people around them that are bigger and older etc walk, so naturally they learn to walk. No one has to teach them. They just learn. On their own. When they show interest yes we help them, but no one is sitting their child down and introducing official lessons on how to walk. The same goes for talking. We don't teach our children to talk, we help them with sounds and words as that part of them is developing, but the learning is their own process and of their own volition.

It is an inate natural human desire that is rooted deep within us to learn. To grow. To explore. To create. To discover.

This week when I saw the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and then actually got through that foggy tunnel that grief can envelope you in, I remembered one of my homeschooling mantra's that I told myself as I started this journey:

Trust your children.

And I mean really truly trust them when it comes to what and especially how they learn.

Trust that they want to explore. Trust that they want to grow. Trust that they want to create. Trust that they want to discover.

And just as importantly:

Trust that you can trust yourself to trust your children and help them grow in any direction they want to go in.

The key word is TRUST.

It seems so simple really, but it is so much easier said than done.

There is a secret I have found to helping them do that, but for now I am going to let you all chew on that for a bit. I'll post my little secret to the trusting process this weekend for our Friday Finds, which following the trend for the past few days will be a day or so late, because well it's just been that kind of a week. :D We'll get back to our regular schedule next week. ;o)

Have a wonderful New Year's Eve!

With love and light, ♥

Wordy Wednesdays - 29 Gifts by Cami Walker

Yesterday I mentioned that last year I had started reading the book  "29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life" by Cami Walker, and how much I loved the premise of it. If you haven't read yesterday's post, go read it now and then come back and join me here. :D

After a quick Google search I found that there is also a very cool website dedicated to this and I have joined in hopes of turning my grief into something lighter and more positive instead of letting it consume me and turn me into a depressing, sludgy mess that it was quickly starting to.

So listen up my friends, this is what I want you to do, I want you to come along with me and join 29gifts.org.

All you need to do is go to http://www.29gifts.org/ and sign up. It's simple and of course you'll make a significant impact on someone else's life when you start this. (Sorry, I couldn't help the pun, I love our blog and our motto, what can I say? LOL :Þ)

Then you simply need to do is think of someone other than yourself and give one small thing away each day. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't even have to cost anything. For example it can be your time or simply sitting quietly and sending good energy/prayers to a specific person. It's the intent that counts and the intent that it will benefit someone else (not today I'm going to say a good prayer for Jane and hopefully that will be enough for me to win the lottery on the weekend - that isn't what I am talking about here).

I'll confess that today I gave my kids the gift of 'me'. I don't mean that to sound as facetious as it probably does.  I've been so wrapped up in our move, packing and unpacking and then my brother's sudden passing and everything that goes along with a suicide for the survivors, that my poor kids were seriously lacking in my attention. Today I don't care about the dishes or what my house looks like, it is just all about my children having my time and attention and me loving on them they way they deserve.

I don't know what my gift will be tomorrow (I don't think that far in advance usually :Þ) but I am excited to wake up and think of what I can do to make someone else's day better!

What are you going to do? Comment down below and share with us! :o)

With love and light,

I am Called Woman

I found this and love it so much that I wanted to share it with you.


Photo Credit

I Am Called Woman
by Sophia Harvey-Manning

I am called WOMAN
Not because I'm feminine but
For who I am, have been thru, and aspire to be

Not because I've failed or lost but
Because I've tried, persevered, endured
Kept trying, cried...
Sometimes bitterly!

When the future seemed bare and fallow
The path under my feet
Rough, dry, empty, scorched
Hollow

I dug deep, very deep... far deep
Where rabbits and moles live
Hide, play, escape
Retreat

I have tasted the earth
Mud, sand, dryness, moisture
Manure, drought, death, haa-aah
Birth

I plunge downwards like a seabird
Grabbing what's left of hope,
Gripping it tightly, remembering my bond
My word

Then like an eagle I rise
Clutching the unreachable,
Beholding yesterday from my loft
The skies

Finally... battle won!
Now I own the dream, enjoy the grandeur
For this reason I proudly stand
And am called WOMAN!

Is there a piece of writing that has inspired you?