The other day I wrote that I have a secret when it comes to helping to be a good facilitator in your child's learning process and creative endeavours.
I know there are people out there who were reading the post with a raised eyebrow and thinking,
"I buy books but my children don't seem interested."
"I buy crafty stuff to fill the craft box and they rarely use it."
"I suggest nature walks and no one wants to go."
"All my kids want to do is watch TV/play video games/sit on the computer..."
So, what do you do when you have a child who doesn't seem to be interested in anything or doesn't seem to want to discover, explore, learn and create?
You unplug them, that is what you do.
What do I mean by "unplug" them, you ask? I mean shut off the TV, the video games, the computer, whatever it is that they are plugged into the most, shut.it.off.
How would I know this? Well because my kids the last few months have been so wired, so "plugged in" and up until I "unplugged" them, they had no interest in anything that wasn't happening on a screen. I'm not kidding. Getting them to read a book was absolutely torturous to them.
Now, before anyone sits out there on their 'cable free soapbox' while they ride their bike to generate electricity to power their internet connection - because I know you are out there!! ;o) you need to know the back story before you judge (and I only say that because, *cough* I used to be one of those annoying people who knew everything there was to know about having children. Then I actually had them. *cough*).
I feel I was totally justified and I feel zero guilt for letting my kids watch as much TV and playing as many games as they wanted. In September and October we were in the process of moving 3 hours away to an entirely different city while my husband started a new job. Just after we moved and were starting to feel settled in, my brother, who was also one of my best friends, died suddently and unexpectedly in November and well, life for us has been a bit of a roller coaster to say the least. I'm not perfect nor do I pretend to be. ;o)
(On a side note, before I go on: If you are at all in one of those places of a huge life change, dealing with an illness, grief, bereavement, pregnant and can barely move etc etc etc don't feel guilty if you are doing what you have to do to get through the day at this time. Skip this post and come back to it when you are ready to emerge back to the world. I will confess that when I was pregnant with Noah and I was so freakin' nauseous and tired that I could honestly tell you what time it was by what show was on Treehouse TV. This time with moving and my brother's death I would rotate between the TV, the Wii and the computer for my kids. It was what we needed to do at the time to get through. So long as it is a temporary situation, everything will be fine I'm sure.♥)
Okay, back to what I was saying. I have had moments in my life when we've been unplugged and moments, like I mentioned most recently, when we were so plugged into technology our eyes looked like they were going to bug out of our heads.
It's funny though, ironically enough, during our 'plugged in' times I was setting the kids up in front of the TV or whatever because I needed the quiet. They were quiet for the time being, however afterwards, OMG they were c.r.a.z.y!! Have you noticed that even though you put on a movie for the 'quiet time' your child(ren) is/are often crazier than they were before you started the show? Mine definitely were and it really isn't worth the trade off for me.
This is what I have found since we've unplugged our kids:
1. They are calmer. I know, I know there are also some of you sitting out there thinking, "DUH Laila!". :Þ But, even 30 minutes, which can be fine for a lot of kids is too much for mine.
2. They are happier. Way, way happier and more fun to be around. They think they are happier when they can watch their shows, play their games and have their screen time at their leisure, but they aren't. At all. They are anxious, wigged out and so often overstimulated that they don't know what they feel which causes them to argue more and fight with each other and everyone else around them. And again, it doesn't always come from huge amounts of screen time. 30 minutes is often enough to send my 6 year old son to the brink of overstimulated craziness.
3. They reconnect with the world around them when they don't have access to a 'screen' of some sort. They explore, imagine, create and while yes they 'jones out' a bit the first few days without the TV or video games, by day 3 they are completely mellowed, more engaged and come back to their natural child like curiosity. It's wonderful!
4. They read more! A lot more. They will pick up a book and start reading for fun or want me to to read to them. Yay! :D
So if you are out there grumbling to yourself about how your children don't do anything but watch TV or play video games, be the parent. Unplug them.
If you have children with behaviour issues, unplug them. Trust me.
Oh yes, while we are on the word "trust", trust me as well that they will also be a little freaked for the first few days, but they will get used to it. They will, but it might take some time.
However, don't just think you can magically unplug and they will happily run off and read a book. You will most likely have to take the time to sit with them, play with them, read to them. In other words engage them, show them again what is around them that is also interesting, especially if they are coming out of the habit that we have created the last couple of months and that is basically they are forgetting how to easily entertain themselves, because they are used to being entertained by something or someone without putting in any sort of effort on their own.
If they are used to screen time and you are used to them being in front of a screen this change will take a bit of patience on everyone's part. It is so worth it though when you see them run off to create Lego masterpieces on their own in a few days! That however is also a great benefit to becoming generally unplugged, your connection with your child can and will only grow stronger. Just don't give in. It's so easy to give in when everyone is getting used to the change and just begging for "...one show!" or "...only one game, I promise I'll stop after one game!" Don't do it!
(Hint: To really succeed at this, you need to anticipate those moments and be prepared in advance on how you are going to help them navigate this change, this is vital.)
We are starting on a 21 day challenge in our house for our kids. My husband and I don't watch much TV (other than the hockey games which my husband PVR's). Starting Monday, Janurary 3, we have told the kids there are no videos unless they are directly educational or homeschooling related and limited computer games, again, only for educational purposes (i.e BrainPopJr.com where they are truly having to listen and learn, or if they are researching a project they are working on). Zero Wii or Xbox for 21 days. I don't know who had a harder time wrapping their head around that last one, my husband or my boys. ;o)
So, we haven't totally unplugged I guess, because being homeschoolers we do have a true and educational need for the computer and a video here and there. But I explained to the kids that after 2 months of big and often stressful life changes, we all created a few bad habits in our family and we need to create new ones, and that it takes generally 3 weeks to create new habits that are better for us.
We all need new habits around here and that is how we are starting our New Year. With less electronic stimulation, more family time and more team work/respect around the house. Oh ya that is another perk, I find when my kids are "unplugged" they are WAY more helpful around the house. They clean their rooms up without as much of a grumble (they still do grumble a bit, but it is short lived), they help in the kitchen and they get along and play better with each other. I'm assuming it is because being asked to clean up after themselves is honestly, probably way too overwhelming to their brains when they've been playing video games or watching TV all day.
Their "energy" really does seem to brighten and come more alive when they aren't bogged down with all the electronic stimulation. So I encourage you to give it a try in your house as well. Take baby steps if you have to like we did last year and just go for a week to start. To see the difference I find though, you really do need to go at least 3-4 days. I promise you'll be pleasantly surprised! :D
As a mom of 3 kids ages 3, 6 and 8 I can honestly say life is so much easier without all the gadgets, games and TV. I'll be sure to post in my "Tree House" how things are going. This week will be an adventure I'm sure! :D
Anyone want to join me on this 21 day challenge? Post your comments below or find us on Facebook and let us know how it is going! :D
Happy New Year Everyone!
With love and light ♥,
