My Journey to Midwifery (includes birth stories, links, book recomendations and more!)...

Photo Courtesy of Chelsea Stirlen

I'll forewarn you that this is a wonderfully long and informative post (if I do say so myself!). Women's rights, especially those surrounding modern day maternity care and labour and delivery practices are a huge passion of mine. Over the years I have collected many, many incredibly eye opening links and wonderful book titles that shed much more information on well woman care, maternity and birth than one will ever find in the realm of mainstream media. I've saved them all knowing that one day I'll be able to share them in hopes that they will help other women the way they helped me. ♥

I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I knew first and foremost it would be a profession where I could help people, it was always going to be about helping people and most likely something involving children. For the longest time I truly thought medicine was my calling since it combined my interest in science (namely anatomy, physiology, and biology) with the desire to help and heal. The desire to give back somehow and to truly make a difference in someones life was really what it was and still is, all about for me. It wasn't until the last few years that I started feeling the pull of being a midwife and now I can't imagine being anything else. For me it is just one of those things that calls out to me and gets into every fiber of my being. For my spirit and soul, it feels right to follow that. It's almost as if all points leading up to this realization happened for this reason alone, that they were meant to be...

Now in the midst of my crazy, chaotic life, I admittedly have put my midwifery plans on the back burner for the time being. With three kids aged 3, 6 and 8 and a husband who works really weird hours sometimes, right now the 24/7 schedule of a midwife wouldn't work for my family. So I've simply put the dream off until my kids are old enough to be on their own for a bit if I am at a birth and their dad is working.

If you had told me 10-15 years ago that I would want to be a midwife, I would have rolled my eyes at you. Back then in those days I was pre-med. I wanted to be a doctor (a pediatrician to be exact) and I thought mainstream western medicine was the be all, end all and anyone who wanted otherwise was just plain weird and well, stupid. You know, the ones who sleep with their babies, breast feed well into toddler hood and beyond, the hippie freaks that don't vaccinate and have home births? ;o)

As far as I was concerned back then, why would anyone NOT trust modern day western medicine? To not give birth in a hospital, especially *GASP* on purpose, was completely mind blowing to me at the time and as far as I was concerned, completely irresponsible.

Fast forward a few years to my first birth in 2002. Ahh how times changed for me. One day I will share my full birth story on here, but for now I just don't want to go there, that is how unbelievably traumatic it was for me. Birth rape is a perfect way to describe it. Completely powerless and treated as a vessel instead of a human being. I just about died giving birth to Maria, in a hospital, and that near to death experience was NOT because my body failed me. It is because the hospital failed me. The nurses failed me. The doctor on call who laughed at my birth plan, failed me.

My first birth, the birth that I had been dreaming of my whole entire life, was truly one of the most horrifying and disempowering experiences I have ever had. It threw me into a pit of severe post partum depression and in hindsight I was handed on a nice sterile stainless steel platter, a serving of post traumatic stress disorder as well. If I tried to talk to anyone about it, I was generally tsk tsk'd because I was "fine" and I had a healthy baby and I needed to just move on. And of course, omigosh, I was sooooooooooo 'lucky' I was in the hospital so that I didn't die. No one seemed to get it, that I just about died because I was in the hospital and the ridiculous amount of interventions that cascaded down around me as soon as I stepped through the doors. I narrowly avoided a c-section and really, I'm not sure how I did that all things considered.

What happened to me, (and that was just the cliff notes version) was a common theme with other mothers I talked to. I honestly at the time believed that, that is just how birth is. Which is sad, because I was so unbelievably wrong. It makes me wonder, how many other women are out there feeling, or felt at one point, the same way I did?

Fast forward 18 months to the labour and delivery of Matthew in 2004. I laboured at home for as long as possible because, well, I was freakin' terrified of going to the hospital too early. You can't blame me really can you? I wanted to have some semblance of control, some power over my body and my birth and how this show was going to go. Maria's labour was over 32 hours. With Matthew it was less than 6 at the most. 5 hours and 45 minutes of that was at home where I had the control, power and most importantly, feeling of security from Chad and my ('surrogate') Mum (aka one of closest friends my mom's age who took me under her wing after my own mother died in 2001 ♥). I did not have any fear with Matty's labour and delivery, other than he might be born in the truck during rush hour. We made it to the hospital and 15 minutes after we parked downstairs, he was here! The nurse, this time was truly wonderful even though she kept telling me to stop pushing and to wait until my doctor got there. So you know what? I stopped pushing.

And then something magical and amazing happened...

My body took over and pushed him out all on it's own. No pitocin, no epidural. Nothing. When I stopped pushing, when I was mentally trying to wait for the doctor (still trying to be a good girl I guess and do as I am told *sigh*), my body did it. Did what it was made to do. My body wasn't a failure after all.

Now, there is this wonderful oxytocin induced high after childbirth. I had a spark of it with Maria, although that could have also been relief. But with Matty, I was riding this amazing birth high. His entrance into this world was amazing, simple, fast, intense and so empowering. What a change to not be totally drugged up at the time of delivery - to be able to actually revel in the moment, to laugh and cry and be totally and completely joyous, to be in the moment fully and completely.

Now, before you start emailing me and commenting, feeling the need to explain and justify your own birth (which, don't ever feel you need to justify your birth btw), wait a second and hear me out. I know there are just as many amazing and wonderful OB's and family doctors that catch babies and deliver phenomenal care when it comes to pregnancy and birth. But I also know there are a lot who are in the profession for all the wrong reasons. And yes, c-sections are necessary and yes, I completely agree we are lucky we have that option when a birth falls into that 5-10%. There are times when a c-section or induction for a true medical reason is the only option for a healthy mom and healthy baby and I will say it again and agree that we are lucky to have those options. But a 40% or higher rate for c-sections and 80% and up for induction or augmented labour is not normal.

We live in a culture of fear when it comes to birth. Who can blame us when every time you turn on the TV any birth that is shown is awful, micromanaged in the worst ways possible, and made to look completely life threatening almost all of the freakin' time. You can only imagine how much I will scream at the TV and throw the remote if I stumble across a Baby Story and any other ridiculous show like it. But you know what? Drama sells. Like this wonderfully written article from The Stir at Cafemom.com states:

"After all, what fun would it be to show a woman who is just rocking back and forth with her husband, then pops out a baby with no complications, no screaming, no dramatics or problems to solve? Unfortunately, because they do aim for ratings, they leave most women with an unrealistic and downright damaging view of birth."

That is so true!

But, you know what? I'll let you in on a secret, birth isn't scary, isn't always painful, intense yes, but not always agonizingly painful and it doesn't need to be feared. I'll let you in on another secret, giving birth is not an emergent medical condition, 90-95% of the time. Matthew's birth taught me that and Noah's birth, which was unassisted and at home, sealed the deal.

It was Noah's birth that made me realize, that is what I want to do. I want to give women the experience I had with Matthew and Noah. I want to give women back their power when it comes to their bodies and during one of the most profound and powerful times of their life. I want to do everything I can to make sure that not one single woman has to feel the way I did during and after Maria's birth.

I am incredibly pro choice and while I don't agree with medically unnecessary elective c-sections or inductions, if that is what YOU want and you are aware of the risks, benefits and everything in between, and you are the one that is making this decision without coercion, then good for you. And I honestly mean that. :o)

Now, y'all know me, I can take any post and turn it into a Friday Find as well! :D

So you ask, what I have I found this week that led me on this "I want to be a midwife, hear me ROAAAAAR" type rant?

The Business of Being Born.




Yes, yes, I know this movie has been out for a few years already.  I never got around to watching it because well, it wasn't readily available in my area for awhile and I had already read so much about literally, the business and history behind obstetrical care and midwifery (as you will see in my links and resources below that I so gleefully get to share with you! :Þ), that it was never a priority on my what to watch list. Then we got Netflix and what do ya know?! There is The Business of Being Born and I watched it while laid up on the couch Wednesday nursing a stomach flu or migraine, not sure which, but that doesn't matter.

The Business of Being Born is a movie that every.single.woman needs to watch, no matter what your views on birth are. If you are done having children then watch it for your daughters, sisters and girlfriends. As far as I am concerned, it is right up there with knowing how to add, subtract, multiply, divide, write a cheque, get a job, yadda yadda yadda. It is a movie that is a must see, for the simple fact that it is informative in the most important way possible to women. No matter what your plans are for birth, you need to be informed and you need to look past your doctor and the hospital and also find your own information. I am NOT saying ignore your doctor or midwife, not at all, I am saying search outside the box, ask questions, lots of them, listen to your intuition always, and know that many times, there is a monetary reason your birth will be 'managed' the way it will and not because it is in your best interests, in fact your best interests are quite often towards the end of the list.

Have I ever mentioned that I am a wee bit of a research junkie? I've been waiting for years to share my list of pregnancy and birth resources that I have stashed on my hard drive! :D I so wish I had read more, and been so much more informed for my first birth.

First off links and websites!

The Dangers of Cytotec (a common medication used to induce labour, even though the FDA forbids it in this off label use, because well, it has this itty bitty problem of causing uterine rupture and death. If you choose to be induced, don't sign up for this drug.)

The Truth About Pitocin

"Pit" [as in pitocin] to Distress: Your Ticket to an "Emergency" C-Section?
(This article explains the not so rare phenomenon when Dr's purposefully order high amounts of pitocin on an unsuspecting mother in order to produce massive contractions that distress the baby in order to tell the mom that an "emergency c-section" is needed. Then voila, the doctor doesn't have to hang around all day waiting for that pesky mother to deliver her baby! The "emergency" c-section wouldn't be needed if they didn't crank up the pitocin. See what I'm saying?)

Everything You Need To Know About Epidurals

(Again, yes I am pro homebirth for me, but this isn't about me, it's about you. :D I'm not saying don't get induced, don't have an epidural, I'm saying, be informed and have the birth you want. Knowledge is power.)

Defending Ourselves Against Defensive Medicine by Jill Arnold at the Unnecesarean.com

World Health Organization's Summary of Research on Place of Birth

Dangers of Hospital Birth

'Normal' Medical Management of Hospital Birth

Physiological Management of Home Birth

Homebirth: What are the Issues?

Drugs in Labor: What Effects Do They Have 20 Years Hence?

What is a Doula and Why are they so Important?

Homebirth is as Safe as Hospital Birth for Low Risk Mothers - British Medical Journal

Ina May Gaskin - The Mother of all Modern Midwives (fantastic evidence based information, resources and links can be found here)



Now, if the links aren't enough for you, here are some excellent books to check out from the library or support us through our Amazon affiliate links if you like. Whatever works for you, works for us! The library would save the most trees and be the most ecofriendly way to go of course. :D

Immaculate Deception: A new look at women and childbirth in America, by Suzanne Arms
(Note from me: This book is a must read for any woman, I think I read it in an entire day, I could not put it down. It gives an excellent historical view of midwives and how they were banished from well woman care and labour and delivery, oh and just a hint, it was not because they weren't good at their job, in fact it was quite the opposite.  All those horror stories on how women used to die in childbirth left right and center, read this to find out why, again it isn't because of midwives...It's a hard to find book, but most well stocked libraries will have it.)
 
Immaculate Deception 2: Myth, Magic and Birth, by Suzanne Arms

Unassisted Childbirth, by Laura Kaplan Shanley

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin

Birth Matters, by Ina May Gaskin

Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, by Henci Goer

Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Childbirth, Giuditta Tornetta

Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation, by Pam England

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care, by Jennifer Block

Mothering Magazine's Having a Baby, Naturally: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth, by Peggy O'Mara

Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities: A Guide to the Medical Literature, by Henci Goer

The VBAC Companion: The Expectant Mother's Guide to Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, by Diana Korte

A Good Birth, A Safe Birth : Choosing and Having the Childbirth Experience You Want, Third Revised Edition, by Diana Korte

Your Best Birth: Know All Your Options, Discover the Natural Choices, and Take Back the Birth Experience, by Ricki Lake, Abby Epstein and Jacques Moritz


My last few links (I promise!!) are some excellent online forums from Mothering.com where you can ask questions, get answers and find support if you need it on homebirth, VBAC, unassisted childbirth, and healing birth trauma. You'll also find on Mothering (also known as MDC) entire forums dedicated to birth stories, due date clubs, and breastfeeding, in addition to a wonderfully supportive forum for those battling post partum depression. And for what it is worth, it isn't just homebirthing, hippie mama's on there. There are just as many women on the forums planning hospital births as well. Everyone is welcome. :o)

(I know there are a lot of parenting message boards out there and I am not at all discounting them in the least. Mothering.com is just the forum where I found my healing place and I've found it to be the most educative and helpful location on the 'net for those looking for information and support that isn't always found on more mainstream message boards.)

Whew! I think that was my longest post ever, don't you? If you have any other resources that you want to share that you found helpful no matter what type of birth it is related to, please help other women out and share either on here through the comments or on our Facebook Page.

Women need to take back the power to their own bodies and stop being told how to birth by a profession that is often more influenced by insurance companies, hospital policy and profits than what is actually in the best interest of a labouring mother. Women deserve to have ALL the facts so they then have the freedom to labour and give birth on their terms and no one else's.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

With love and light ♥,

The lesson of the day is...

Photo Credit



We are officially starting homeschooling next week as a family. Matthew has theoretically been homeschooled since January in a very child led, unschooling sort of way after I decided kindergarten just wasn't working for him, but next week Maria starts with us and I am so excited! There is all this manic energy around town right now as everyone frantically wraps up their holidays and dashes around to get school supplies. The kids and I? We're just chillin' and planning for our vacation in September!

Matty had a really hard time in Kindergarten last year. And in hindsight, I think his teacher had a really hard time figuring out the best way to help him learn.

What never came across the school's mind though I'm sure, is maybe this child just doesn't fit in to school...maybe what we know and believe to be true (that school is the only avenue for academic learning and academic growth) is *not* true after all? Maybe some kids just do better learning at home in a more flexible environment.

After all we don't expect adults to do the exact same thing as an occupation. Imagine if you took a mechanic and forced that person to sit in an office all day, in say a HR position, dealing with paperwork and people problems for 40+ hours a week. Can you imagine how cranky that person would probably be after awhile? Or say force an elementary teacher to be a neurosurgeon. If they would just "apply themselves" and "focus better", I'm sure they could do it. ;o)

The whole concept of this cookie cutter style of education is bizarre to me. Some kids do great in school and there are amazing teachers out there who add so much value to a child's learning, I know a few personally myself. At the same time though, there are a lot of little "mechanics" out there who climb the walls at the notion of being stuck in one place all day long, 5 days a week and not able to move and learn as they need to. My son was one of them. I am one of them and I could strongly relate to how he was feeling last year.

So on January 11, 2010 I pulled Matty out of school and it was truly the best parenting decision I have made in a long, long time. In the meantime, I felt totally drained by the experience and the fact that the school administration didn't quite see things my way. It took me a few months to process the whole ordeal and come to terms with it since it wasn't an amicable separation on the part of the school and I.

The 6 year old little girl in me who was always raised to do as you are told and listen to authority still had to process that feeling that the "Teacher, the Principal and Vice Principal" weren't happy with me and *GASP* maybe they were even mad at me! It's funny really, that even as a confidant 35 year old woman, wife and mother to 3 that just those labels on those 3 people (Teacher, Principal and Vice Principal) could make me feel, even for a fleeting moment, inferior and make me doubt for a second how well I knew my child and what was best for him. But it was very short lived, then the typical headstrong Aries side of me came out and on we went merrily on our way... ;o)

That rollercoaster experience with Matthew and school certainly taught me a few things:

A ) Listen to your instincts/intuition!

If I had done that, I wouldn't have had to drag Matty through the wringer all fall last year because the school thought there was something wrong with him. There is nothing wrong with him, other than, well, he doesn't fit the neat and tidy mold of what is expected in public school. I only had to go through Behaviour Support Specialists, Social Workers, the Pediatrician and a Child Psychiatrist before I was told what I already knew. I KNEW in September it wasn't going to work. I couldn't say how I knew, I just *knew* ya know?

When the child psychiatrist told me after seeing Matthew and evaluating him and going over every little facet of his personality, that Matthew was fine and that his issues at school were due to stress, something in me as a mother just kinda...umm...snapped. Especially when it seems they were trying to flag him for Autism when he clearly, is not Autistic. Not even close. Quirky, stubborn and a little high strung yes, but not Autistic. Because of all this nonsense, it took a long time for me to convince Matthew there wasn't anything wrong with him. He thought he was broken and kept asking if he needed "fixing". Ugh.

B ) If you are a non conformist and you try to conform, especially to a mainstream traditional model of education in a smallish community, chances are it isn't going to work so well. And chances are too, you'll end up looking like a bit of a kook when you finally come unglued and stop conforming, but that is okay.

I have always wanted to homeschool. When we lived in Calgary I had planned on it, but when we moved to a smaller community in 2007 it intimidated me really. I was used to having soooooooooo many different resources and ideas at my fingertips to do with my kids (the Science Centre, Zoo, etc etc) that this town doesn't have. But, I realize now that I can do very well without having large edu-tainment facilities like that, and really, they are only a few hours away so we'll be there a lot in the spring, summer, fall I'm sure anyway.

I don't vaccinate, I had a planned unassisted homebirth, we happily co-sleep and my youngest is 3 years old and still nurses. A lot. I don't ever do what is expected, I do what I feel is best for each individual child combined with the needs of the family. Why would the way I choose to educate my children be any different?

The Planned Unassisted Homebirth of Noah...

*sigh*

Noah turns 3 today. My baby is growing up so fast and time seems to be flying even faster. It was this day 3 years ago I birthed Noah into the world. It was an extraordinary experience, incredibly humbling and one of the most empowering moments of my life.

Here is his birth story for posterity's sake...


I woke up that morning, August 6th, 2007 knowing that real labour was imminent. I posted on a private message board with some close online friends around 11:45am or so my time letting them know the contractions were close and getting stronger, but I could still walk and talk through them if I wanted to and well, I was posting on the internet so I figured I had at least until supper time if not a bit longer.


I made sure to take one last belly picture. He we are about 6 hours before he was born:

I sent Chad and the kids off to the park around noon-ish. I didn't really know what to do with myself, so I had a bath.

The contractions *seemed* to totally ease off in the bath which kinda pissed me off at the time, but I knew that he was going to be born that day so I just welcomed the R & R. I didn't realize that in actual fact the ctx were starting to get closer, it's just the bath completely took the pressure of them away. I can now see why water births are so highly regarded because I was NOT feeling a thing at all in that water!

Chad and the kids got home around 2pm or so.

Matthew came upstairs and promptly kicked me out of my bathtub. :Þ

So he decides to get in the bath and I decide to labour on the toilet - it seemed to be the most comfy to sit there. By this time I was needing to moan a little through each contraction. I was feeling a lot of pressure. It wasn't painful at all, but moaning through each contraction seemed to help with the intensity.

The kids were a little startled by this bizarre guttural noise I was making, so we made a game of it and with the next ones they would growl really loudly with me through each one and then after the contraction was over we would all burst out laughing because it was so funny, seeing them make the same noises and faces I was making. So there we were in our little en-suite bathroom, me, Chad and the kids, all doing this together - laughing and giggling Noah into the world. It was a moment that I won't forget.

After a few minutes, Mara and Matty were bored of playing this game with me so they head downstairs to watch TV for a bit. I think by now it must have been around 3 pm or so.

Now, I was starting to hit transition. I remember thinking "WHY THE F&*K AM I DOING THIS AT HOME?" and thinking I wanted drugs. That is when Chad and I knew I was in transition. My labouring mind was like "OMFG" and the rational mind that was recalling all the natural birthing stories and books I read was like "Wooohoo we're almost done".

So I got out of the bathroom and ended up on the bed and all I could do was kinda squat and quite honestly make sounds I didn't know I was capable of making to get through it. My water broke at this point. And then it was nice, I had about 10 or 15 minutes of a break and Chad and I just sat there, snuggled and rested for that time until I felt the urge to push.

It wasn't honestly painful through all this. Not at all (not until he was crowning). It was just such an intense energy that I didn't quite know what to do with, so making these really weird primal noises seemed to help me focus where I wanted that energy to go. I'm sure all of Medicine Hat, no actually, all of Southern Alberta heard me give birth that Monday.  Thank goodness it was a holiday on Monday and my neighbours were all out of town. 

At any rate, it was just me and Chad who welcomed Noah into the world. I didn't really even have to push him out, my body did it all by itself. It was wild. I just kind of kept myself in the best position I could to make it easy, which was kind of a squatting position with Chad holding me up under my arms.

The only time I chose to actually push was when he was crowning and that was just to get the "burning ring of fire" over and done with. But ya, Noah came flying out so fast neither Chad or I could catch him, he just slid right out onto the bed. He was screaming immediately, didn't need any suctioning at all and within about 2 minutes he was rooting around wanting to nurse (which is pretty much where he has been since {and 3 years later in 2010 I can still attest to that! LOL :D ). I didn't tear anywhere at all, which was nice.

It was exactly the way I wanted it to be. I was so relaxed, and felt so safe and totally in control and really felt I could let go and be myself and do what I needed to do to bring him into this world without being surrounded by strangers. It was so nice not having anyone tell me what to do, or how to push etc etc.

And right after it was just me and Chad and Noah for about 10 minutes and there was such a special sense of intimacy that I wasn't expecting. I was a bawling, blubbering mess. I couldn't stop laughing, I couldn't stop crying. Chad, I think was just in shock. ;o) It was just a huge surge of emotions. The kids came flying up the stairs when they heard Noah crying a little bit and were just in awe of him and that he was finally here.

So then we weighed him! @_@

I remember thinking, wow, he is so tiny (compared of course to Maria and Matthew he was tiny). But then when I put his diaper on, the newborn ones up to 10 lbs or whatever, it didn't really fit - it was too small. And then I tried putting him in one of Matty's old sleepers that I had saved. (Matty was 7lb 13oz at birth). And that sleeper was wayyyyyyyyyyyy too small for Noah (it was size 7-11 lbs). I though ooh, we better weigh him and sure enough on our scale it said 10 lbs 1oz.

It makes sense though, Maria was overdue as well and was 9 lbs. Matty was about 2 weeks early, so I imagine had he been born at the same gestational age (approx 41+ weeks) he would have been a 9 or 10 pounder too I'm sure.

Here he is, just minutes old!

 

And here he is 3 years later!

Happy Birthday Mr. Noah! :D

With love and light,