My Journey to Midwifery (includes birth stories, links, book recomendations and more!)...

Photo Courtesy of Chelsea Stirlen

I'll forewarn you that this is a wonderfully long and informative post (if I do say so myself!). Women's rights, especially those surrounding modern day maternity care and labour and delivery practices are a huge passion of mine. Over the years I have collected many, many incredibly eye opening links and wonderful book titles that shed much more information on well woman care, maternity and birth than one will ever find in the realm of mainstream media. I've saved them all knowing that one day I'll be able to share them in hopes that they will help other women the way they helped me. ♥

I spent the first 30 years of my life trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I knew first and foremost it would be a profession where I could help people, it was always going to be about helping people and most likely something involving children. For the longest time I truly thought medicine was my calling since it combined my interest in science (namely anatomy, physiology, and biology) with the desire to help and heal. The desire to give back somehow and to truly make a difference in someones life was really what it was and still is, all about for me. It wasn't until the last few years that I started feeling the pull of being a midwife and now I can't imagine being anything else. For me it is just one of those things that calls out to me and gets into every fiber of my being. For my spirit and soul, it feels right to follow that. It's almost as if all points leading up to this realization happened for this reason alone, that they were meant to be...

Now in the midst of my crazy, chaotic life, I admittedly have put my midwifery plans on the back burner for the time being. With three kids aged 3, 6 and 8 and a husband who works really weird hours sometimes, right now the 24/7 schedule of a midwife wouldn't work for my family. So I've simply put the dream off until my kids are old enough to be on their own for a bit if I am at a birth and their dad is working.

If you had told me 10-15 years ago that I would want to be a midwife, I would have rolled my eyes at you. Back then in those days I was pre-med. I wanted to be a doctor (a pediatrician to be exact) and I thought mainstream western medicine was the be all, end all and anyone who wanted otherwise was just plain weird and well, stupid. You know, the ones who sleep with their babies, breast feed well into toddler hood and beyond, the hippie freaks that don't vaccinate and have home births? ;o)

As far as I was concerned back then, why would anyone NOT trust modern day western medicine? To not give birth in a hospital, especially *GASP* on purpose, was completely mind blowing to me at the time and as far as I was concerned, completely irresponsible.

Fast forward a few years to my first birth in 2002. Ahh how times changed for me. One day I will share my full birth story on here, but for now I just don't want to go there, that is how unbelievably traumatic it was for me. Birth rape is a perfect way to describe it. Completely powerless and treated as a vessel instead of a human being. I just about died giving birth to Maria, in a hospital, and that near to death experience was NOT because my body failed me. It is because the hospital failed me. The nurses failed me. The doctor on call who laughed at my birth plan, failed me.

My first birth, the birth that I had been dreaming of my whole entire life, was truly one of the most horrifying and disempowering experiences I have ever had. It threw me into a pit of severe post partum depression and in hindsight I was handed on a nice sterile stainless steel platter, a serving of post traumatic stress disorder as well. If I tried to talk to anyone about it, I was generally tsk tsk'd because I was "fine" and I had a healthy baby and I needed to just move on. And of course, omigosh, I was sooooooooooo 'lucky' I was in the hospital so that I didn't die. No one seemed to get it, that I just about died because I was in the hospital and the ridiculous amount of interventions that cascaded down around me as soon as I stepped through the doors. I narrowly avoided a c-section and really, I'm not sure how I did that all things considered.

What happened to me, (and that was just the cliff notes version) was a common theme with other mothers I talked to. I honestly at the time believed that, that is just how birth is. Which is sad, because I was so unbelievably wrong. It makes me wonder, how many other women are out there feeling, or felt at one point, the same way I did?

Fast forward 18 months to the labour and delivery of Matthew in 2004. I laboured at home for as long as possible because, well, I was freakin' terrified of going to the hospital too early. You can't blame me really can you? I wanted to have some semblance of control, some power over my body and my birth and how this show was going to go. Maria's labour was over 32 hours. With Matthew it was less than 6 at the most. 5 hours and 45 minutes of that was at home where I had the control, power and most importantly, feeling of security from Chad and my ('surrogate') Mum (aka one of closest friends my mom's age who took me under her wing after my own mother died in 2001 ♥). I did not have any fear with Matty's labour and delivery, other than he might be born in the truck during rush hour. We made it to the hospital and 15 minutes after we parked downstairs, he was here! The nurse, this time was truly wonderful even though she kept telling me to stop pushing and to wait until my doctor got there. So you know what? I stopped pushing.

And then something magical and amazing happened...

My body took over and pushed him out all on it's own. No pitocin, no epidural. Nothing. When I stopped pushing, when I was mentally trying to wait for the doctor (still trying to be a good girl I guess and do as I am told *sigh*), my body did it. Did what it was made to do. My body wasn't a failure after all.

Now, there is this wonderful oxytocin induced high after childbirth. I had a spark of it with Maria, although that could have also been relief. But with Matty, I was riding this amazing birth high. His entrance into this world was amazing, simple, fast, intense and so empowering. What a change to not be totally drugged up at the time of delivery - to be able to actually revel in the moment, to laugh and cry and be totally and completely joyous, to be in the moment fully and completely.

Now, before you start emailing me and commenting, feeling the need to explain and justify your own birth (which, don't ever feel you need to justify your birth btw), wait a second and hear me out. I know there are just as many amazing and wonderful OB's and family doctors that catch babies and deliver phenomenal care when it comes to pregnancy and birth. But I also know there are a lot who are in the profession for all the wrong reasons. And yes, c-sections are necessary and yes, I completely agree we are lucky we have that option when a birth falls into that 5-10%. There are times when a c-section or induction for a true medical reason is the only option for a healthy mom and healthy baby and I will say it again and agree that we are lucky to have those options. But a 40% or higher rate for c-sections and 80% and up for induction or augmented labour is not normal.

We live in a culture of fear when it comes to birth. Who can blame us when every time you turn on the TV any birth that is shown is awful, micromanaged in the worst ways possible, and made to look completely life threatening almost all of the freakin' time. You can only imagine how much I will scream at the TV and throw the remote if I stumble across a Baby Story and any other ridiculous show like it. But you know what? Drama sells. Like this wonderfully written article from The Stir at Cafemom.com states:

"After all, what fun would it be to show a woman who is just rocking back and forth with her husband, then pops out a baby with no complications, no screaming, no dramatics or problems to solve? Unfortunately, because they do aim for ratings, they leave most women with an unrealistic and downright damaging view of birth."

That is so true!

But, you know what? I'll let you in on a secret, birth isn't scary, isn't always painful, intense yes, but not always agonizingly painful and it doesn't need to be feared. I'll let you in on another secret, giving birth is not an emergent medical condition, 90-95% of the time. Matthew's birth taught me that and Noah's birth, which was unassisted and at home, sealed the deal.

It was Noah's birth that made me realize, that is what I want to do. I want to give women the experience I had with Matthew and Noah. I want to give women back their power when it comes to their bodies and during one of the most profound and powerful times of their life. I want to do everything I can to make sure that not one single woman has to feel the way I did during and after Maria's birth.

I am incredibly pro choice and while I don't agree with medically unnecessary elective c-sections or inductions, if that is what YOU want and you are aware of the risks, benefits and everything in between, and you are the one that is making this decision without coercion, then good for you. And I honestly mean that. :o)

Now, y'all know me, I can take any post and turn it into a Friday Find as well! :D

So you ask, what I have I found this week that led me on this "I want to be a midwife, hear me ROAAAAAR" type rant?

The Business of Being Born.




Yes, yes, I know this movie has been out for a few years already.  I never got around to watching it because well, it wasn't readily available in my area for awhile and I had already read so much about literally, the business and history behind obstetrical care and midwifery (as you will see in my links and resources below that I so gleefully get to share with you! :Þ), that it was never a priority on my what to watch list. Then we got Netflix and what do ya know?! There is The Business of Being Born and I watched it while laid up on the couch Wednesday nursing a stomach flu or migraine, not sure which, but that doesn't matter.

The Business of Being Born is a movie that every.single.woman needs to watch, no matter what your views on birth are. If you are done having children then watch it for your daughters, sisters and girlfriends. As far as I am concerned, it is right up there with knowing how to add, subtract, multiply, divide, write a cheque, get a job, yadda yadda yadda. It is a movie that is a must see, for the simple fact that it is informative in the most important way possible to women. No matter what your plans are for birth, you need to be informed and you need to look past your doctor and the hospital and also find your own information. I am NOT saying ignore your doctor or midwife, not at all, I am saying search outside the box, ask questions, lots of them, listen to your intuition always, and know that many times, there is a monetary reason your birth will be 'managed' the way it will and not because it is in your best interests, in fact your best interests are quite often towards the end of the list.

Have I ever mentioned that I am a wee bit of a research junkie? I've been waiting for years to share my list of pregnancy and birth resources that I have stashed on my hard drive! :D I so wish I had read more, and been so much more informed for my first birth.

First off links and websites!

The Dangers of Cytotec (a common medication used to induce labour, even though the FDA forbids it in this off label use, because well, it has this itty bitty problem of causing uterine rupture and death. If you choose to be induced, don't sign up for this drug.)

The Truth About Pitocin

"Pit" [as in pitocin] to Distress: Your Ticket to an "Emergency" C-Section?
(This article explains the not so rare phenomenon when Dr's purposefully order high amounts of pitocin on an unsuspecting mother in order to produce massive contractions that distress the baby in order to tell the mom that an "emergency c-section" is needed. Then voila, the doctor doesn't have to hang around all day waiting for that pesky mother to deliver her baby! The "emergency" c-section wouldn't be needed if they didn't crank up the pitocin. See what I'm saying?)

Everything You Need To Know About Epidurals

(Again, yes I am pro homebirth for me, but this isn't about me, it's about you. :D I'm not saying don't get induced, don't have an epidural, I'm saying, be informed and have the birth you want. Knowledge is power.)

Defending Ourselves Against Defensive Medicine by Jill Arnold at the Unnecesarean.com

World Health Organization's Summary of Research on Place of Birth

Dangers of Hospital Birth

'Normal' Medical Management of Hospital Birth

Physiological Management of Home Birth

Homebirth: What are the Issues?

Drugs in Labor: What Effects Do They Have 20 Years Hence?

What is a Doula and Why are they so Important?

Homebirth is as Safe as Hospital Birth for Low Risk Mothers - British Medical Journal

Ina May Gaskin - The Mother of all Modern Midwives (fantastic evidence based information, resources and links can be found here)



Now, if the links aren't enough for you, here are some excellent books to check out from the library or support us through our Amazon affiliate links if you like. Whatever works for you, works for us! The library would save the most trees and be the most ecofriendly way to go of course. :D

Immaculate Deception: A new look at women and childbirth in America, by Suzanne Arms
(Note from me: This book is a must read for any woman, I think I read it in an entire day, I could not put it down. It gives an excellent historical view of midwives and how they were banished from well woman care and labour and delivery, oh and just a hint, it was not because they weren't good at their job, in fact it was quite the opposite.  All those horror stories on how women used to die in childbirth left right and center, read this to find out why, again it isn't because of midwives...It's a hard to find book, but most well stocked libraries will have it.)
 
Immaculate Deception 2: Myth, Magic and Birth, by Suzanne Arms

Unassisted Childbirth, by Laura Kaplan Shanley

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin

Birth Matters, by Ina May Gaskin

Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, by Henci Goer

Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Childbirth, Giuditta Tornetta

Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation, by Pam England

Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care, by Jennifer Block

Mothering Magazine's Having a Baby, Naturally: The Mothering Magazine Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth, by Peggy O'Mara

Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities: A Guide to the Medical Literature, by Henci Goer

The VBAC Companion: The Expectant Mother's Guide to Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, by Diana Korte

A Good Birth, A Safe Birth : Choosing and Having the Childbirth Experience You Want, Third Revised Edition, by Diana Korte

Your Best Birth: Know All Your Options, Discover the Natural Choices, and Take Back the Birth Experience, by Ricki Lake, Abby Epstein and Jacques Moritz


My last few links (I promise!!) are some excellent online forums from Mothering.com where you can ask questions, get answers and find support if you need it on homebirth, VBAC, unassisted childbirth, and healing birth trauma. You'll also find on Mothering (also known as MDC) entire forums dedicated to birth stories, due date clubs, and breastfeeding, in addition to a wonderfully supportive forum for those battling post partum depression. And for what it is worth, it isn't just homebirthing, hippie mama's on there. There are just as many women on the forums planning hospital births as well. Everyone is welcome. :o)

(I know there are a lot of parenting message boards out there and I am not at all discounting them in the least. Mothering.com is just the forum where I found my healing place and I've found it to be the most educative and helpful location on the 'net for those looking for information and support that isn't always found on more mainstream message boards.)

Whew! I think that was my longest post ever, don't you? If you have any other resources that you want to share that you found helpful no matter what type of birth it is related to, please help other women out and share either on here through the comments or on our Facebook Page.

Women need to take back the power to their own bodies and stop being told how to birth by a profession that is often more influenced by insurance companies, hospital policy and profits than what is actually in the best interest of a labouring mother. Women deserve to have ALL the facts so they then have the freedom to labour and give birth on their terms and no one else's.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

With love and light ♥,